Christianity Today’s most recent cover article is entitled The Myth of the Perfect Parent. I was found out about this article from my friend Larry Shallenberger or at the Children’s Ministry and Culture blog.
As I read the article, I found myself saying things like, “YES!” and “EXACTLY!” out loud. One of the first things I like to tell parents when they ask me about raising children is to ignore all the parenting books and magazines and figure out what works for you. Sometimes it seems that the only purpose for all the expert parenting advice out there is to make you feel guilty for not getting it right. Sheesh! Then, if you are a Christian, there is all this pressure to make sure you are following “biblical” parenting methods otherwise your children might walk away from church and from faith!
The last time I checked, children were human beings with wills of their own. Yes, as parents, we need to guide our children. We need to facilitate their physical, emotional, and spiritual growth. The catch is, though, that our children get to choose how they live in the end. There is nothing we can do or not do to guarantee any kind of outcome. This is a very scary thing because that means we don’t have as much control as we’d like to think about how our children come out.
Does this mean that we do nothing? Of course not! What it does mean is that many parents need to give themselves a pass. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself to be the “perfect parent.” There is no such thing. If parenting “experts” can’t even agree on what a perfect parent looks like, why should we? The best we can do, according to the author of the Christianity Today article, is to be faithful parents. I like that. Not perfect parents. Not even intentional parents. Faithful parents.
Being a faithful parent means you show up. It means you love your kids. It means you equip and empower them to make wise choices and then trust that they will. It means, if you are a Christian, you put your children in the hands of the Holy Spirit because he love them more than you ever will.
I think we need more voices encouraging parents like this. Read the article and pass it on to some friends.
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Thanks!